So I am at the we b. Sitting. And I have no idea what this post will turn into...maybe short, maybe long, because I talk too much. But I have been having a hard time lately. But the thing is, I get mad at myself for even saying it. There are women who can't get pregnant, who miscarry and who lose their children soon (or later) after giving birth. I have been around women who have experienced each of these things in the last few weeks, and feel like a horrible person saying lately I have been so sad and anxious. Mom says its my hormones...I hope she is right. I feel like my complaining is horrible, and I have no right to do so, but I also feel like it is out of my control.
Just last week I had a friend say to me "You never blog about being pregnant, or about baby #2." But its because this has been such a different pregnancy. I am so exhausted I can't even think straight. I am so thankful for the fact that I can get pregnant and carry a baby to healthy term. I am so thankful for my Eli and for Zach and all of the things that I have in my life....So I hope that I have this little "baby bob" (he still has no name) my hormones will all go back into sync and I can find a little more energy and get into a routine.
I am stressed out about having 2 little ones that are only going to be just under 15 months apart. I can't imagine sharing my love that I have for Eli. I just can't fathom loving someone/thing as much as I love Eli. I don't want Eli to feel like he is being neglected (although I hope, b/c he is so young that he won't even remember or care)So so many emotions. I just think too much, I think.
So about being knocked up for a 2nd time....there is definitely a baby in there. He is a busy one. I think Eli was a little busier in utero, at least throughout the day...but "Bob" (we are NOT naming him Bob..its just what we have been calling him, so calm down) is EXTREMELY active at night, and when I TRY to sleep. He isn't as busy throughout the day like Eli was. He has a lot harder kicks, and has strategically placed a foot or arm or something in my ribs...right in the middle like...by my breastbone, I guess is what I'd call it....making it hard to breathe the last few days. I CRAVE peppermint Lifesavers. I have gone through almost an entire bag in a day. I don't care so much about the flavor as much as I do the "bite" of it...I like the texture. I'm weird. But at least it isn't chocolate cake. right?
I am huge. Well I feel huge. I am about as big as I was when I gave birth to Eli. (I dont have any belly pictures....I suppose I could do that for you in the next couple of weeks, for those far away who don't get the blessing of seeing me regularly! ::smiles::) My weight has fluctuated back and forth making it to where I haven't gained or lost anything. I'm at the same weight as I was from day 1. I am having BIG TIME problems with feeling faint and like I'm going to pass out. The Dr says its because I am not drinking enough water. blah blah blah. water sucks. Not to mention its usually first thing in the morning when Eli is like FLYING through the house, or standing at my pantleg whining for me to pick him up and hyper as ever, and I'm trying to get ready, and feed him and on my feet with not sitting down...and yeah...you get the point. My hips KILLLLLL, but I think its because our bed is so hard. I'm pretty sure if i tried to sleep on the bathroom floor, my hips would be in better shape. I keep telling Zach I need a cot or a pillow topper, he doesn't get it. He could sleep on the bathroom floor and be perfectly fine with it...he can sleep ANYWHERE.
SO yeah...that's what you are getting out of me today. I feel like a whiny, ungrateful person saying some of the things I've said. Don't get me wrong I am very thankful...I just think I'm having wicked anxiety about whats ahead. So sorry for whining...but there you go.
xoxo
Tay
PS if you have tried to look at Eli's slideshow from his birthday and it wouldn't let you (which no one freaking told me! I figured it out on my own) I think I have it fixed. For some reason it was set to private...whatever!
Just last week I had a friend say to me "You never blog about being pregnant, or about baby #2." But its because this has been such a different pregnancy. I am so exhausted I can't even think straight. I am so thankful for the fact that I can get pregnant and carry a baby to healthy term. I am so thankful for my Eli and for Zach and all of the things that I have in my life....So I hope that I have this little "baby bob" (he still has no name) my hormones will all go back into sync and I can find a little more energy and get into a routine.
I am stressed out about having 2 little ones that are only going to be just under 15 months apart. I can't imagine sharing my love that I have for Eli. I just can't fathom loving someone/thing as much as I love Eli. I don't want Eli to feel like he is being neglected (although I hope, b/c he is so young that he won't even remember or care)So so many emotions. I just think too much, I think.
So about being knocked up for a 2nd time....there is definitely a baby in there. He is a busy one. I think Eli was a little busier in utero, at least throughout the day...but "Bob" (we are NOT naming him Bob..its just what we have been calling him, so calm down) is EXTREMELY active at night, and when I TRY to sleep. He isn't as busy throughout the day like Eli was. He has a lot harder kicks, and has strategically placed a foot or arm or something in my ribs...right in the middle like...by my breastbone, I guess is what I'd call it....making it hard to breathe the last few days. I CRAVE peppermint Lifesavers. I have gone through almost an entire bag in a day. I don't care so much about the flavor as much as I do the "bite" of it...I like the texture. I'm weird. But at least it isn't chocolate cake. right?
I am huge. Well I feel huge. I am about as big as I was when I gave birth to Eli. (I dont have any belly pictures....I suppose I could do that for you in the next couple of weeks, for those far away who don't get the blessing of seeing me regularly! ::smiles::) My weight has fluctuated back and forth making it to where I haven't gained or lost anything. I'm at the same weight as I was from day 1. I am having BIG TIME problems with feeling faint and like I'm going to pass out. The Dr says its because I am not drinking enough water. blah blah blah. water sucks. Not to mention its usually first thing in the morning when Eli is like FLYING through the house, or standing at my pantleg whining for me to pick him up and hyper as ever, and I'm trying to get ready, and feed him and on my feet with not sitting down...and yeah...you get the point. My hips KILLLLLL, but I think its because our bed is so hard. I'm pretty sure if i tried to sleep on the bathroom floor, my hips would be in better shape. I keep telling Zach I need a cot or a pillow topper, he doesn't get it. He could sleep on the bathroom floor and be perfectly fine with it...he can sleep ANYWHERE.
SO yeah...that's what you are getting out of me today. I feel like a whiny, ungrateful person saying some of the things I've said. Don't get me wrong I am very thankful...I just think I'm having wicked anxiety about whats ahead. So sorry for whining...but there you go.
xoxo
Tay
PS if you have tried to look at Eli's slideshow from his birthday and it wouldn't let you (which no one freaking told me! I figured it out on my own) I think I have it fixed. For some reason it was set to private...whatever!
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