So what I'm about to talk about is probably more than I should air. But its heavy on my mind and heart, and I told you all that I wasn't holding back on this blog. I am documenting everything I live...whether you like it or not. I need all of the support I can get through everything and unfortuantely, this week definitley did end the way it began (see Random Thoughts). So if you dont want to read this, and dont want to know, its ok!! Just dont go any farther. I will keep it somewhat censored, but you'll get the point.
Finding out you are going to be a parent has got to the be scariest realization ever. EVER. Especially in my current situation. And especially when I have basically been informed I will be doing things on my own. I was afraid of this, but ready to accept it when it came. I hope that things change when it comes down to certain peoples responsibilities, but if not I have accepted it 110%.
People who aren't married have children everyday. There is no rule book that says you have to be married or even in love with the mom or dad although it would be nice, in a perfect world, we have to remember that sometimes unplanned incidents (or blessings as I would like to call it) occur. But I think if I were to write a rule book it would say you have to be responsible and take care of what you created. Agreed? In my rule book it would say that its ok to be scared, its completely normal as far as I'm concerned....but just because one doesnt carry the baby doesnt mean they shouldn't have to give their support emotionally, physically, and financially. In my rule book it would say that all you have to do as a mommy and daddy....and grandma and grandpa...and aunts and cousins.....all we have to do is let the little miracle know that it is loved. That is the most important job we all have, I think. I pray everyday that my rule book could be followed. But we dont always get what we want.
Even if some people are choosing to opt out (today, b/c im sure it will change later...as usual), I am so thankful to have wonderful friends and family who are supporting me and my little peanut. But being angry, stressed, scared, or overly emotional about all of this isn't going to make the situation change at all, and this I have realized. It is others that have a way to go in understanding this.
Like I've said before the situation I'm in, isn't the ideal situation for my life. But its a blessing, and I refuse to be ashamed, embarassed or anything but excited at the fact that I'm going to be a Mom. There are some women that can't have children, there are some that don't want children....I apparentely, and obviously am neither, and should thank God for this. I've always wanted to be a mom. I wanted to be married, and in love, but sometimes God has a different plan for people....I'll take it...I can accept things. I was told I wouldn't have babies, and I swallowed a pill that claimed it was 99% effective against pregnancy, on a daily basis. This, my friends, was what God had in store for me. Whether you like it or not.
Times change, people change, situations change, but I feel like....I stay the same. Its frustrating, but I cant' control it, and I refuse to make an attempt to control it. Not my job. Everything that is happening, is happening for a reason. But one thing is for sure, you can't wish this situation away, because its still going to be here in the morning, and its definitely going to be here by February.
If you have a spare moment, please pray for my sanity.
Also...I dont know if I talked about this in my other posts...so if I did, forgive me, baby has taken my brain. Seriously. But I am due February 9,2009. kinda fun..02.09.09...but we all know its very rare to come on your due date. My mom says that 3/4 of us came on our due dates....and 3/4 on Fridays. Payton just had to be the oddball out, and be born on a Monday..a week or so early! :) But she is our baby girl! Anyways...I WILL be finding out the sex. But I will NOT, NOT, NOT, be sharing names with anyone. I am a freak about names. I have seen the reactions that some rude people give when people talk about names, and when this happens to me...it makes me change my mind. It is rather frustrating, and I chose not to deal with peoples faces, and stupid comments. I have a boy name picked out...its pretty set. And yes, to answer your question in a certain way, if it is a boy, he will be named after Bryce. But I will let you know, that Bryce won't be his first name, for my own personal reasons. Bryce was Bryces name...I couldnt look at my baby and call him Bryce...But I think you will all be pleased with what I've come up with (and if not...whatever!)....but if its a girl..you'll never know I guess. haha. If its a girl...I have a lot of different names picked out. I have always said I will name my children diferent, off the wall names...names you can't find on an Indiana License plate at Wal Mart or on a Pencil in party city. So have fun guessing if you want....but I'm not telling. Because when the baby is here the name I have picked with the be the name it carries forever...and no one will have a choice other than to like it. So thats, that!!!
On a lighter note....Carrie Underwood concert is tonight at the Fair. Me, Steph, Morgan and Amanda are going! I'm pretttttty excited. Music has always been my outlet, and she has helped me thru a lot in my life. Love her!! And I cannot wait to see her in concert! :) And the weather is so perfect!! Yay for sunshine, statefair corn dogs, walking tacos and Carrie Underwood! The perfect ending to a cruddy week.
Went to visit Iyanna last night....she wasn't happy. Hopefully I can make it over there more often so she doesnt scream everytime I pick her up. She is only preparing me. haha!
I go to my new Doctor on Wednesday. I dont think I get to meet her, but I will in a couple of weeks. I am just glad to finally be settled where I need to be!
Again..we are all adults here, and this is my business. I chose to put it out there, just like others have chosen the path that they are going to take. If you dont like it, I dont want to hear about it, I warned you, and you shouldn't have read it :)
xoxo
Tay
