.....strength.....

Not much different going on around here. I am still being deprived of any sleep...but he is worth it. Eli has been making it out and about the last few days too! He has even made it to his first basketball game!!!! (2.5 weeks old! Payton was 5 days old at her first game..ha!) Last night he went to my parents house for the first time too! Today I took him to Zachs work so all of his co-workers could meet him, and then we made a pit stop by Zachs moms office so all of her co workers could meet Eli too! :) Everyone loved him!!
He is still growing and filling out...but still he is so tiny! :) Here are a few new pictures :) We just love staring at him!














I am doing alright. Lots of emotions still.
I was thinking the other day about how much I have been through in the last year. I am proud of myself....and of Zach and I for how far we have come. But I especially have been thinking about Eli....my (our) little miracle baby.
First of all, they told me I would probably never have babies without help of fertility treatments, because of my PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome...google it ::smiles::). And secondly, I was on the pill to try to regulate my crazy system...and for some reason God decided to give me a chance. It wasn't the fairy tale story...I always dreamt that I would be married and all that jazz..but whatever, I guess I have never been one to follow the "rules." So I get pregnant, and during my pregnancy I had a few bumps, but nothing tooo major. God gave us a son. That was such an awesome day to find out it was a boy. :Things continued to go pretty smoothly: I was only in labor for 4 hours. And for a first pregnancy, I hear thats just crazy short. It was painful...but Eli was so worth it. Then they give me this little boy, I cried everytime I looked at him, everytime I thought of him, and everytime that someone took him from me and I didnt get to hold him for a long period of time....then came more heartache. The Jaundice. And you all know what we went through with the NICU and all of that yucky business...so I'll spare you the repeat of that. But it felt as though "something" was trying to keep our son away from us...on so many levels. It is amazing to feel so overwhelmed with emotions....of joy...now that he is here, alive...and so healthy. It is awesome, and he makes me so happy everyday (even when he is screaming and I have no idea what is wrong with him. hehe). Someone said to me yesterday...God will give you strength you never knew you had. And that is the most true statement ever. . .when it came to hope, when it came to my pregnancy, labor, the NICU, and waking up ever 3 hours in the middle of the night to nourish this little man. Life is crazy...but oh so good :)

xoxo
Tay

Multitasking....

So we have been home for almost a week, and I am definitely learning how to multitask! Right now I have Eli in my lap, the dog at my feet...(yes he's on the couch too.) and zach at the end of the couch talking to me :) We have had so many visitors and even went down to Zachs on Sunday and had more visitors!! Elijah does well and loves everyone!! :)
We are all doing well. Eli is doing well....trying to learn his days from nights. He sleeps alright at night, its always a guessing game. We have had a few baaad nights, but he is totally worth it :) Sometimes he will sleep for 3 hours at a time, and other times he will wake up and stay up...like this morning, he woke up at 5:30am and didnt really go back to sleep until 2:30pm. I am tiiiired...but like I said he is worth it. Its just hard to figure out when to do the laundry, do the dishes, vaccuum, clean, when to do the thank yous (I swear you will get one before Eli turns 12.)....its crazy!!! My mom has been coming over whenever she can (almost everyday!) and it gives me time to do things...she even helped me give eli is first bath tonight!! He HATED it at first, but once he realized we werent trying to drown him, he loved it. It really seemed to calm him.
Zach is back to work this week full time...so that leaves me and Eli at home by ourselves. Today was the first morning without Z. . .taking a shower and getting ready was tricky. haha. (and yes...i did get ready....always, even though I didnt get anywhere...it just makes me feel better! :) )But the bouncy seat on the bathroom floor worked out well!!
We took him to the Dr on Friday and he already weighs 6lbs 10.5oz and received a clean bill of health!! Community North NICU sent his test results over from the last time we were there for his follow up appt and his levels were at 7.2!!! So we are so happy about it! He's our growing boy.
Zach and I love to just watch him and all of the funny faces that he makes. He is hilarious. Manning loves him too...he has to make sure he is ok at all times. :)
I'm doing alright....if you care. hahaha. I know Eli is the main focus of everyones attention! But I feel like we were so prepared for the arrival of Eli...but no one tells you what happens to you, as a woman, after you have a baby...your hormones fly backwards at about 1,000,000 mph. I spend a lot of time crying. . .good tears, and overwhelming tears, and tears b/c I'm crying and can't stop..pathetic, I know. hahaha. Poooooor poooor Zach. He has been great though, even though I'm sure he thinks I'm certifiably crazy, he does and says everything he can to make me feel better. I'm thankful. I feel a little better as the days go on, but its amazing how many emotions go flying through your mind and body after having a baby. But again, this little guy is totally worth it.
Here are a few pictures. Hope all is well!! Thanks for all the visitors....come by anytime!

My favorite picture!

snug as a bug in a rug




He is such an amazing Daddy.


a giant football :) so funny


cousins Danielle and Hannah with Eli


Nana, Me, Eli and Mom.


His shirt says "I might be little but I'm tough" and he is screaming....hahahahaha. angry face!


We finally got Cam to hold Eli


Zachs Dad.."Papa T", Zach, Eli, and Zachs Grandpa..Grandpa Lake.


Eli's first real bath!!!

So relaxed!


our "hunk" making faces for the camera!


Mr. Elijah is stirring....I do suppose its about that time. I hope everyone is doing well!
xoxo
Tay

.home.sweet.home.

So we are finally home. Yesterday morning Eli's level went all the way down to 8.7. They took him out of his incubator, and took all the lights away, but still kept him on his bili blanket (the blue light up blankey you will see...) They had to make sure he could maintain his temp out of the incubator, and we were able to leave!!! I was happy as could be but a little overwhelmed and stressed out about it all. My first thought was...when he starts screaming at home, there is no "nurse button" to push...there is no one there to help me to get him to nurse...there is no asking the nurse for help...and there is no more of the Dr. being on hand to tell us what is going on---we are offically on our own. I cried sooo much yesterday...good tears and bad tears. I'm just fearful of the unknown.
He had a pretty good first night home. Steph and Corey came over ...along with Mr. Carter (Elis best friend..they have no choice..so i sure do hope they like each other. hahaha) and made us a wonderful dinner. It was so nice to have them there with us...or with me at least. Zachs parents came by , and my dad stopped by for like 20 minutes. It wasn't too bad.
He slept ok waking up every 3 hours...but I didn't sleep well at all!! I have him in a bassinett right next to me, and every little noise he made, I was freaking out..checking on him to make sure he was ok, not breathing or puking (he looooves to spit up.). He nursed really well this morning at 4:30! It is hard to know how much he is getting though!!
We went back to the hospital today for another check of his levels. The nurse said she would call if anything bad came back, and we got no call!!!!!!!!!! We go meet Eli's Dr. on Friday morning.

Here are some pictures.

First carseat ride.


Leaving the hospital.




with his "bili blanket."

MiMi visiting before we got to go home.



His little going home outfit. It was the first time he got to wear clothes!!


The room....we are never going back!


Daddy and Eli.


in his swing today..we just wanted to see what he looked like in it. he liked it, he told me :)


Thanks again for all of your prayers. God is good :)
Home Sweet Home

xoxo
Tay

pictures.

precious baby boy

His first bottle out of the incubator. And those are his daddys fingers by his head...his ears aren't that big :)


the cutest little face i've ever seen.

Mommy and Elijah Brycen

Papa D and Eli

Mommy Daddy and Eli (sorry about the cleavage. hehe)

Before they took out his feeding tube! and his first time out of the incubator in 48 hours.

I can't wait for everyone to meet him. Please continue to keep us in your prayers.

.xoxo.

Tay,Z,and Eli


update below

Eli Eli OOOOOO

*To warn you...I'm very sleepy, so this is going to be shorter than you want, and some of it may not make perfect sense...ha.*

I apologize for the delay in updating, its been insane, and last night(sunday night, into monday morning) we had a STUPID nurse that we had to yell at twice, and she really stressed me out, and I didnt get much sleep at all.

But anyways....

Eli is doing great as of right now. We talked to the dr today and he told us that there was a 50/50 chance that he could go home tomorrow (Tuesday). We are hoping for at least Wednesday.....we dont want to get our hopes up. They have to make sure his levels are staying low (at 6am Monday morning he was at a 14.6.) They took 2 of his lights away, so now he is under one light and his "Bili Blanket" which is another light blanket thing that he lays on. He is still in the incubator, but they took out his feeding tube and have started weaning him off of his IV of fluids, which we are hoping he comes off of completely tomorrow. We are allowed to take him out to feed him every 3 hours! :) They have to make sure that his Bili level is down and that he can hold a temperature, for him to be able to go home.

It is so amazing to be able to hold him after not being able to, and just staring at him while he is laying in the little incubator. He just overwhelms me with soooo many emotions, happiness and fear, just to name 2. But I know that I love everything about him...his hair, his wide little feet, the little mole tag on his ear, his big hands and long fingers, his poopy diapers, his horse voice when he gets to crying so loud he can't make noise anymore...etc. He is the best.

Zach is doing great and I thank God for that. He has been my strength. My hormones are all over the place and I am extremely emotional and cry a lot...sometimes for a reason, and sometimes for no reason.My body hurts (among other things) and I complain about it a lot. He really helps me and doesnt look at me like the crazy woman I am portraying. I think he has changed for the better. And he is a better dad than I could EVER imagine. He's awesome, me and Eli are awfully lucky. I can't even explain to you how I feel but I know that I hope that I am not like this forever...its rather frustrating at times. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster....mom tells me its normal, especially after what we are going through.

We are still working on the nursing situation, since they have "cleared" us of giving him breastmilk. He really favors one side over the other, and we both get really really frustrated. It is something that is so incredibly important to me, that I cry everytime he gets upset and won't "take." They say that it will get easier, and I sure hope they are right, b/c like I said, it is very important to me...for so many reasons.


Anyways...I am sorry, again for the delay, but THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for your prayers. It is obvious that prayer works. God is good. Lets hope this little guy gets to come home with us soon.


xoxo

Tay

update on our little man

I have tried to write a million times, and can't do it without crying...nor can I do it without falling alseep in the middle of typing. I am a little more rested right now than I have been in the last few days...and I haven't cried AS much today.

Our little Eli has a nasty case of jaundice(google it), but it is being caused by something that they can't seem to find the cause of. The pediatrician doing rounds came in to do an assessment on Friday and immediately noticed it and his levels were terribly high for a baby of his (hourly) age. They told us they were going to have to take him to the NICU overnight and he should be ready to go the next evening at the latest....and yeah....things got worse, quick.
They score the levels of jaundice on a scale called the Bili Rubin level. Eli went from a 14.4 (which they say was dangerously high for him only being 30 hours old) to a 22.4 in 24 hours. The Dr. told us you start getting scared when it hits 24 or 25...at his "age." and 22.4 was a bit too close for us. We cry a lot. They started explaining all of this stuff to us, and started talking about all of these tests they were going to have to run to try to figure out why his levels weren't going down at all. It was so hard to understand all of the medical jargon they were throwing our way, as if we have been to medical school. They have asked us soooo many questions about our medical backgrounds, our nationalities....our everything, and nothing is giving us a reason to why his levels won't go down at all. They said that if the levels got high enough it was a strong possibility that we were going to have to have Eli get a blood transfusion. That was so scary to sign those papers to give permission for that. So scary. They take his Bili level every 4 to 6 hours...whatever the Dr has ordered at the time. Because of his levels they decided no more breastfeeding, so I have to pump and freeze. . .booo.
As of last night Eli is now in an incubator, with IV's and a feeding tube, under lots and lots of lights. (the lights are the "cure" for jaundice, funny, b/c we haven't seen much of a difference.) It is the most terrible feeling in the entire world to have to open up this two little doors and reach in to touch my son. I can't hold him, it is so awkward to change his diaper and I need his help b/c I can't reach all the way across him through the incubator. Zach and I have worked as a team to get a lot of stuff done with him being in there. hehe. Nothing like team work to change our sons diaper. ha!
At 2:15 this am they tested his Bili level again and when I went to pump at 4:30am they told me it had gone down to a 20.8 (from 22.4). So that was awesome news...then this morning it went back up to 21.8....but not as bad a jump as previous numbers. This afternoon when they took it, it went down to 19.5 and thats what it is as of right now. They are testing him again at 6pm.
But anyways, the tests from last night have come back the way the Drs want them to and they are nearly convinced that the reason he is fighting this so hard is b/c of the hematoma on the back of his head (which was from the vaccuum they had to use to pull him out.....the cord was wrapped around his neck.) And we are hoping that is what it is, b/c that means the lights shining on him will eventually do their job. Apparently they don't usually catch the jaundice until day 3 to 5..they caught is on 1.5....and it usually has to top out...level...then go down. We are PRAYING that he is in the "leveling" stage of things, and that it doesn't go back up.
He is eating well, he is going to the bathroom just like he should...and doing everything he should be doing to get better, we just dont understand why he isn't. His weight dropped a significant amount, and went way up this morning to 6lbs 5oz...almost birth weight already, so that is awesome! I feel confidant with the Dr's and the things they have been doing....I just hope they don't let me down.
I think that I would be more ok with the fact that he is an incubator if I knew what was wrong with him, specifically. But the unknown is absolutely killing me. I cry at the drop of a hat while doing nothing...eating..peeing...sitting and talking to my "EB Cool" hehe. Zach has been amazing. He gets emotional to...what daddy wouldn't, but he has been so strong for us, and asks all the right questions when I'm sitting in the corner crying my face off.
Our parents have been here with us so much, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Its amazing that we are now parents, but when things get tough you still just want your Mommy and Daddy. We have awesome parents. My mom has been driving around like crazy getting stuff for me and even took me home yesterday to let me pack a bag and to see my dog. (We are staying on the NICU. Its a free service they offer if you have a baby here...we are about 20 steps away from Elis room and can be in there and stay in there as much or as long as we want. Its nice that its a private room. I am lucky enough to sit and let him watch me pump every 3 hours. ha! I can't wait to tell him that when he is like 10 years old. hahaha)


I have no idea if I touched everything, and I have no idea if some of the stuff didn't make sense, but you get the jist. Like I said...my mind is going in a million different directions. I KNOW this could be a million times worse, we are lucky that he is here with us and as of right now we think his condition can be fixed...it just may take a week or 2 of us staying in the hospital. . .but it is our "worst" right now. Please keep us in your prayers. Our little guy is a fighter. He only crys when he is hungry or pooped in his pants. . .he didn't cry when they put his IV in, or when they put the catheter in last night (they didnt have to keep it in), or when they prick him every few hours to check his Bili level. He is the most amazing little man I've ever known...I'm glad he's ours. We love him so much we could explode.

Thank you for all of your texts/calls/visits. We need all of the love and support we can get.

This is when he was just under the lights. stretccccch!

The cutest thing I've ever seen...even with his little goggles.

these 2 are Eli in his little incubator. he is amazingly peaceful, even though we are miserable not being able to hold him. we cannot wait until he's allowed out of there, even if its just for a few minutes.

Thanks again for everything.
xoxo
Tay

I'm a Mommy :)

Wow.


That is basically the only word I have to describe the way I (and Zach too) feel. I am so overwhelmed with emotion. I was SO nervous about giving birth...about how I was going to do, how Z was going to react, how Eli was going to look....and everything was amazing (minus the fact that yes, b/c everything happened SOOOO fast...I do have 15 or so stitches...and yes...I know you didn't ask for that information, but I dont care. ha!). I will type the birth story if you want to know it :) But if you dont want to read it, thats ok too! :) I will not be offended!!


First before the birth story, just a bit of an update I will tell you our little Eli is in the NICU. He has a pretty bad case of Jaundice. He has been up there since this afternoon around 3, and has to stay there until he gets better....its been really hard. His levels are continuing to go up so he may not be able to go home tomorrow. We understand that jaundice is very common in babies, and that it is easily cured, but it is so sad to not have him in the room with us. We can go up and see him at anytime, he is in a private room, so that is super nice. He even gets to wear these nifty little goggles. He doesn't mind them :) I have to go up every 3 hours to feed him, but they also have to supplement with formula to help rid the jaundice. Zach is right there with me to give him his bottle after we (attempt) at the breastfeeding deal! Zach is a better Daddy than I could have ever imagined he would be. I feel so lucky! He is awesome and will be just fine! Just pray for us that he gets well quickly! :)

Our little Eli under his lights.




Birth Story...
that you dont already know thanks to steph..the bestest friend ever!....I will "try " to make this short and sweet!

I went to the Dr. on Wednesday morning at 10am, and was dilated at 3.5 cm and about 75% effaced...with an appt to be induced on Monday. I had given up all hope and decided I was just going to have to be induced. ha! BOY was I wrong! Mr. Eli had another idea. I went to my parents later...had dinner...went home....Zach came over....and at 12:30am we were laying in bed, JUST falling asleep and I felt a weird tickle like sensation and POP.........my water broke. It was the most indescribable, weirdest feeling ever. We got up got my things together, called our parents, called the Dr, took care of Manning and headed out the door. I had 3 contractions at my house before we left (they didnt come on the second my water broke) and they were about 3 minutes apart. Once we got in the truck they were coming fast and A LOT stronger. Zach was awesome and stayed really calm which helped me because we all know how dramatic I can be. (YES...I can admit this! haha) Zach dropped me off, I walked in and he met me inside after he parked. We headed up to the maternity floor, and they met me there---"are you the one whose water exploded in bed?" hahaha. (apparently thats what I told them on the phone, I dont remember I was a bit freaked out) I was checked and was at 4cm, then quickly at 6cm, then I got my epidural, once that kicked in I was goooooood to go. But before and during them giving me the epidural, my contractions were about 30 to 45 seconds apart...lasting for 20 seconds or so, so I was getting like 10 to 15 seconds to breathe in between contractions. I remember blacking out at certain points...it was wicked! I thought I had a high pain tolerance and boy was I wrong!!!!! It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life. HOWEVER I can tell you, that with the amazing amounts of pain I was in, was completely worth it when I got to see the most amazing little boy I have ever seen. (and he is still worth it even though I feel as though I have been literally kicked in the ass by about 25 horses one by one! haha) . They had to use the vaccuum to get him out, which I guess had a bit to do with him developing jaundice. That was scary when she had to get the vaccuum out...Zach said it looked like a brake bleeder? I have no freaking clue what that is..all i know is he is here, and he is amazing. I think that Steph blogged about the rest for me.....and you saw that things progressed super duper fast!

Mom and Zach were in the room with me and they were awesome. They were (once again) calm and so helpful. It was everything I hoped it would be and more. He is awesome, and so dang cute. He is so tiny, and has the cutest little mouth I have ever seen.

I will blog more later, but I can't believe that I am a mommy. Lifes been crazy.....and look what God gave me, a son...Elijah Brycen Landis.

We will be home eventually..depending on when the Dr wants to send us, when Eli gets better....please give us a call and see about the visiting situation. We appreciate all of your calls/texts/visits, and can't wait for everyone to see him, but we know that we are going to be a bit overwhlemed and will probably be at my house and Zachs house...so we dont want you to come to one of our houses, and find no one home!!

Thanks for your love and support and all the phone calls and texts! We are so thankful!!



xoxo

Tay

and yes...i am in the hospital typing this :) Stephanie....again is awesome and came today and brought her computer, knowing since Eli wasn't going to be in here all the time that we would have some extra time on our hands! So feel lucky, that Steph is my bestie. haha!

correction.. get the white out

Ok... so I am going to change something. Everything happened so fast and I was getting text messages from 2:00 am until 5:00 am pretty constantly (thankfully). And when Debbie text me she had written "water broke at 2, epi at 2:55" so I figured that was what happened. I think Debbie forgot to put a 1 in front of the 2 and really her water broke at about 12:30ish. Taylor said they got to the hospital about 1:15 and she was at 4 cm. Then about 45 minutes later she felt tons of pressure and had them check her again and she was at 6 cm. She got the epidural and said after that she was at 8 and then within 10 minutes or so she was at 10 cm. The cord was wrapped around Eli's neck one time and the doctor was concerned with his heart beat so they made her wear oxygen. And if you know Taylor she hates anything on her face (minus makeup) and was driving her crazy. She only pushed for like 25 minutes and Eli was out. The cord was fine once the baby was out, just a little scary while he was still inside.

So all in all, she wasn't in labor for 2 hours, or whatever, she was in labor for about 4 hours. Still same difference right? LOL, she was lucky. I had 16 hours, others have had more. I think she lucked out with only 4. I guess if you are going to do it, you gotta do it right! :)

But I hope you like the correction. I'm going to visit her here soon. Eli got circ'd this morning and is doing great. She got some sleep last night, yay!

Love you, Steph

You wanted pictures... you GOT 'EM!

Hey everyone, its me (Stephanie) again. I just got back from the hospital and Taylor was too sleepy to update this thing so I told her I would. Shocking I know since I haven't done mine in a few months. Anyways, Eli is doing great. He and Taylor are both rather tired and thankfully she is going to get some sleep tonight. She took her cousin's and everyone else's advice and is sending Eli to the nursery tonight so she can get some shut eye since she's been up since yesterday morning at 7:00 am. Hey, thats what its there for. Zach was pretty cozy on his little "bed" and everyone is doing great.

Tay is up walking around and is becoming a pro at being a mom. She can't stand it if Eli even looks like he is going to cry. :) I know she appreciates all the text messages and voice mails she has gotten in the last 24 hours but please don't be offended if she doesn't respond. If only mom's were given 6 arms. But she is so thankful everyone is checking in on her. I think she is still only wanting a few people at a time because she is so overwhelmed right now and is trying to get the art of breast-feeding down pat. So just shoot her a text and see if she is busy. She is anxious to show off her nursery so maybe even coming when she gets home might be easier.

Anyways, here is the little handsome man. He is so adorable and so tiny!!!

Look how pretty she is!!!


Pictures of grandparents...






The Happy Family...


bahahhaha, I had to. You would understand if you knew how much she made fun of my Rhombus feet...


Eli in Uncle Corey's arms


The Boys and their Boys... ahhhhh


Best friends for life! Olivia Marie 12.26.08, Eli Brycen 02.05.09, Carter Benjamin 12.05.08




Is he a happy daddy or what?


Well I hope you like the pictures. Sorry I am super tired and both my boys are sleeping in my bed. I know I know, don't freak out Carter is safely surrounded by pillows and hasn't mastered rolling over yet. I promise I will promptly put him in his own bed! Love, Steph